in which i try to improve myself

09Nov09

Monday

So, I’m starting this on a Monday, but I probably won’t post it for at least a week. I’m going to try to keep track of which of these things I keep up with, and which I fail utterly at. I’m hoping that maybe writing it down will make me feel a bit more responsible for it and actually stick with this stuff.

I slept better than I usually do Sunday night, which was nice. I set my alarm for fifteen minutes earlier than usual, because I would like to start getting up and doing a bit of yoga in the mornings. I have a DVD that I used to do regularly, and I really liked it. It really was energizing, and it helped my mood immensely when I stuck with it.

I did not do it this morning. Mondays prove to be a two-fold problem for it. I rarely sleep well Sunday night; I think it has something to do with transitioning back into the work week. And I usually wake up in a bear of a mood, which makes getting out of bed terribly difficult.

So Monday was auspicious, I should think. I didn’t do the yoga, but I did get up early enough to do everything else I needed to do. I ate breakfast (an English muffin and a big glass of milk—yeah, I need to work on that too), I even put on makeup, which is my other thing I’m trying to do more regularly. I’ve got tons of the stuff; I might as well start wearing it.

The things I’m trying for right now are thus: pack lunch in the evenings, get up fifteen or twenty minutes earlier than usual and do yoga in the mornings, eat breakfast at home, wear makeup at least a few days a week.

Tuesday

Thus we come to Tuesday. Yay for it not being Monday anymore, fo’ reals.

Monday I managed to do just about everything with the exception of exercise. I’m slowly working on eating better. I’m not going to go cold turkey, but I am going to work on it. Slowly. I started by emptying my stash drawer at work of all the worst junk in it. No more candy at work. I’ve got some fruit snacks and granola bars left, as well as a few Healthy Choice lunch things, for when I inevitably go lazy again and forget to don’t bring lunch with me. I’ve also got applesauce. So, while these probably aren’t the best things for me, they’re neither the worst, so I’m counting that as OK for now. I know I need to work more green things into my diet, hardcore. I also need to work on perhaps fiber and healthy fats.

I did, however, drink water. I like water, I just prefer soda. Which is bad. Not that I drink regular soda—hello, diabetic? also, it tastes nasty—but I still drink too much soda. So I am trying to cut back on that, again. My goal is two liters of water a day. Yesterday I made it. Here’s hoping I do it again today! Maybe I’ll do what I did the last time, and just go cold turkey off caffeine. I won’t be fun to be around for a few days, but I’ll get through it. It really helped me cut back on the soda when I did that the last time. I would just drink the occasional caffeine free diet coke. Really, I just like the taste of Coke.

I ate dinner Monday night. Did I want it? No, not at all; there was salmon and rice and broccoli though, so I ate a bit of each. I don’t know why, but lately I just am not real hungry in the evenings. I eat a bit when I get home, usually something in the way of an English muffin—again, not good, I know—and then have a snack before bed and that’s about it.

Not sure what it’s about, but I know I need to work on that.

Anyway, ate dinner last night. Stayed up later than I’d meant to, reading my first Cannonball book. Slept well again, however. So that was nice.

Didn’t do yoga again Tuesday morning. *Smacks self on back of hand* But I did get up and eat breakfast and put on makeup. Two days in a row! Go me! Now, if I can manage to come up with something a bit more substantial to start making for breakfast, I’ll be good to go. Or at least better to go.

Here’s hoping I keep it up.

More tomorrow.

Wednesday

Ah, and now we come to No Whining Wednesday. Happy NWW, y’all! I’m really feeling tired today, but other than that, things are good.

I stayed up later than is my wont in order to finish my first CR II book. But it’s finished! Now I’ve only to write the review and get that posted.

As for yesterday evening and this morning: dinner didn’t happen. I had a milkshake after work, and then an English muffin and some milk before bed. I wasn’t hungry, ok? Sheesh. I didn’t drink quite two liters of water, but almost. I didn’t make anything for lunch, but I’ve got a healthy choice steamer thingy I’m planning on eating.

I did buy a bag of fritos this morning. Mmm, fritos. But I’m already switched to water today, so that’s good. I got up and ate breakfast and put on makeup, but I’d overslept a bit, so I ended up getting out of the house late. Oops. One of the coworkers brought in breakfast sandwiches from across the street; I ate about half of one. I keep thinking that they’ll be really good, and then they really aren’t. I’ve got to avoid those in the future.

I found a recipe for a fairly easy to put together looking breakfast casserole courtesy of Fixin’ To Eat last night. I’m going to try to make that this weekend, so I have something hot and with protein in it for breakfasts next week. I get hungry way too quickly otherwise.

And that’s your Wednesday update.

Thursday

Thursday seems to have been a long time coming this week. Not that’s it’s been a bad week, or even an especially long one. It just feels like it’s taken a while to get here.

Anyway. Things are starting to go downhill. I did bring lunch today—mom made soup last night (god it’s going to suck when I move out and have to make myself meals. On the other hand, I kinda look forward to it, because I have definite goals for my food consumption once I do [namely: eat as little I haven’t put together myself as possible])—but I also brought a bag of sour cream and onion Utz with me. Oh, and I definitely bought a donut at 7-11 this morning. Not that I particularly want it right now. Maybe I’ll give it to Andrea.

Anyway. Did ok with the water yesterday. Not quite a full 2L, but close. I had a low sugar right before lunch, so that screwed me up there. Didn’t eat dinner again last night, but I did eat some ice cream before bed.

Which promptly made me feel all pukey, so it took me a while to get to sleep. So I’m even more tired today. On the other hand, I do slowly creep into exhaustion by about this timemost weeks, so this is nothing unusual. The new goal shall be sticking to the plan when I am tired: keep making lunches, keep not buying crap at 7-11 in the morning.

So, this weeks mistakes help me learn new things to do next week!

Or something.

I did get up and eat breakfast this morning. And I did put on makeup. So those two goals are going well.

Friday

So, everything went to hell on Friday. But I learned my lesson for it. I stopped at McDonalds for breakfast and it was nasty. I always think it’s going to be better than it is. Oh well, lesson learned. I also didn’t put on makeup, because I didn’t feel like getting out of bed and getting my ass in gear; instead I put on sweats and a sweatshirt and stumbled out the door.

Then I remembered that I was meeting Jessie after work for dinner/drinks, and got back out of the car to go put on jeans.

I did drink plenty of water on Friday, though. So yay for that.

—

So there you have week one of me trying to start new habits and slowly work my way into taking better care of myself. We’ll see how week two goes.


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CR II, Book 1: Kushiel’s Avatar by Jacqueline Carey

07Nov09

I know I’ve written before about Jacqueline Carey and what it is about her books that I so adore. So I’m going to try to keep the effusive fangirlishness to a bare minimum here, especially since I want you to go read these books instead of turning you off to them.

Kushiel’s Avatar is the third in the first trilogy in a two part series now referred to as the Kushiel’s Legacy series (confused yet?). This is the final book centering on Phedre no Delauney de Montreve and her exploits. I hesitate to go into much detail beyond that, simply because you really need to read all three books in this trilogy to really understand the scope of them, as well as to appreciate two things about Ms. Carey:

  1. Her world building skillz are practically unrivaled.
  2. The plot of these three books makes me want to throw in the pen and just doodle on the beach for the rest of my life.

There’s no way to encompass the entire world that gets drawn into these stories. There’s also no way I can do justice to the intricacies of the plots; or to the conspiracies and mysteries, nor even to all the characters. I wouldn’t even know where to start.

So I’m going to gloss over the plot, because I don’t want to get into all three books, and I really don’t want to give anything away. I’d much rather you go read them and get the whole thing from the beginning.

We’ll suffice it to say that this book finally ties off several threads that have been woven throughout the story, and does so in a satisfactory way, yet it doesn’t leave everything too neat and tidy so as to be utterly unbelievable.

This novel has some definite dark spots, so if you’re looking for all sweetness and light, I wouldn’t recommend this series, let alone this book. Hell, the main character is what is referred to as an anguissette, one who is marked by a god to experience pain and pleasure as one her whole life. Which is just a fancy way of saying that she’s a true masochist.

Also, she’s a courtesan.

Really, just go read them. I’ll wait here; I’ve already started on the first book in the second trilogy.

 


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Friday Videos: Duran Duran

06Nov09

Cuz I feel like it, ok?


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aaaaaack!

05Nov09

Applying for graduate school is both thrilling beyond belief and absolutely one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done in my whole life.

Applying to college wasn’t this bad!

I’ve thought about it, and I think the scariness comes of the fact that I actually, truly need to do this. I’ve got my heart set on it. I don’t know what else to do, I don’t think there’s anything I want to do that doesn’t require me to go back to school.

I’ve decided on four schools to apply to (Boston University, Tufts, Virginia Commonwealth and George Washington University). I’ve started getting the work together that I need for the applications, and I’ve started contacting professors for recommendations. So far, the response has been positive, even though a couple of the profs I talked to didn’t have me in small classes, or for anything other than frosh Latin.

I have a couple concerns, but I’m hoping that they will be fairly easily overcome—I don’t have quite the foreign language proficiency I should at this point. However, I’ve always had every intention of taking additional language courses while I’m the grad program, because I both need and want to be able to at least read French and German, if not speak them both as well. And possibly Italian.

Do universities take Rosetta Stone for that?

That’s my main concern. There’s also the fact that it’s been five years since I graduated from college. And I know plenty of people wait before going to grad school, so that isn’t as much of a concern for me. and I didn’t want to go back to school just to go back to school. I waited until I finally figured out what I want to actually do.

I want to work in a museum. I know what I want to do in a museum; I just have to figure out a way to coherently state that in my purpose statement thing.

Now is when I start organizing. I’ve looked into what I need to complete my applications at each school, and I am going to make myself a nice list. I’ll possibly post it here, because hell, why not? But it’s pretty basic: recommendations, GRE scores, applications, money, essays.

Next big hurdle (besides writing that statement): take the GRE. Guh. And might I add: ungh.

 


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this is not a makeup blog.

04Nov09

I’ve been somewhat obsessing over makeup lately. Which, if you’ve met me you probably think is funny, considering I don’t even wear it on a day-to-day basis. Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing makeup–some of it anyway. I love eye shadows and glosses and lipsticks. I don’t like foundation. Rather, I have very little experience with it, and find traditional foundations to be too heavy for me, so I rarely wear it. (I am, perhaps, doing it wrong. But then again, I’ve never actually purchased foundation.) If I’m going to apply a base, it’ll most likely be some powder, or perhaps this weird mineral veil thing I have from Urban Decay. (I do, however, moisturize pretty much religiously, and won’t even bother buying a moisturizer that doesn’t have SPF in it anymore.) But I don’t wear it on a day-to-day basis. Mostly because I’m lazy and don’t leave myself enough time to apply it in my morning routine.

I’m starting to give thought to trying to wear makeup on a more regular basis. Like, every day. Or at least more often than I am now. I have a lot of it, so I’d like to get more use out of it. Especially if I’m going to keep buying it. And considering all the gorgeous shades of eye shadow available, I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon.

I’ve begun exploring mineral makeup and checking out some smaller companies who produce mineral makeup the past week or two. I started when I found Aromaleigh (thanks to Emilie Autumn, who wears her colors). I placed an order with this company a week or two ago. When I visited the site, I fell utterly in love with the look featured on the front page, which was luckily available as a kit. So I bought that, as well as a limited edition shadow and a large selection of samples. I love that most of these makeup companies sell samples of their product, for very reasonable prices. It helps take the sting out of purchasing online, where you can never quite tell if your monitor is showing you the truth, even with the swatches many folks feature as well. Seems like almost all of them offer free shipping if you only purchase samples as well. I feel like this is a sound business plan.

I’m thinking about maybe writing some reviews of what I like and don’t like about this new thing I’m doing. I’m not going to turn this into a makeup blog, simply because I plain don’t know enough about it, and because I’ve got too much other crap to write about. That, and there are already a plethora of wonderful makeup blogs out there to peruse; I’d much rather keep my ramblings broader than that. But an occasional review might pop up. Especially of the smaller, less well-known companies.

I love spreading the word, when I feel it’s justified, about little companies that are producing good products. I also like that many of these companies produce very eco-friendly makeup, and several produce almost entirely vegan cosmetics as well. Which is, yanno, cool. And the majority of them seem to place an emphasis on customer service, which is something else I feel is a very good thing. I’ve had too much customer service training in my past to be able to accept shitty customer service as a rule instead of an exception.

So that’s what I’m thinking I might do. Start playing with the makeup I’ve got on a more regular basis, and write about some of the crap I’ve got and what I think about it. Maybe, if I can find decent light in the house, I’ll even take some pictures of what I come up with and post them.

Off the top of my head, in the way of bigger brands, I’ve got lots of Urban Decay, a few MAC eyeshadows, several Too Faced things, a bunch of random drug store brands, and some stuff from Avon and Ulta. Mineral companies wise, I’ve got the Aromaleigh, as well as a number of shadows from Mixology Makeup.

Mixology was my first foray into mineral makeup; I discovered her through Etsy. I really like her stuff. I’ve signed up for a second round of her shadow of the month club. How’s that for awesome—I get a new shadow every month for 9 months! (There are several available levels to the club.)

Maybe I’ll do a look with that stuff and post it soon, do a short review. Is anyone interested in this sort of thing?

Some of the companies I’ve been looking at recently but haven’t ordered from include: Fyrinnae, Dreamworld Cosmetics, Morgana Minerals, Sweet Libertine, and Meow Cosmetics, as well as a couple others I’m probably not thinking of right this second. I haven’t purchased from most of them as of yet, so I can’t give any opinion (yet). I actually just placed orders for a few things from both Morgana and Meow, so I’ll be able to talk about those soon, too.

I’m trying to get more into color. It’s always sort of intimidated me. I tend to go for more muted tones, in general, so I’m trying to branch out, and mineral makeup seems to be a great way to do that. There’s so much variety! I am looking into brighter colors, more interesting colors. Reds and blues and deep purples and things of that nature.

In short, I’m sunk, and I’m taking you with me.

 


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brewing things

03Nov09

Things. They are a-brewin’.

I’m not sure what those things are, or what they’re going to brew into, but I felt like saying that. As with, yanno, everyone on the planet, I’ve got shit going on. Most of which I’m either terrified of or trying to avoid. You know how it goes, right? And though I keep telling myself I really need to just suck it up and do it, get it over with, nothing is ever going to happen if you don’t make it happen, still I mostly curl up under the covers with my hands over my ears, trying not to hear or see or acknowledge any of it.

I had meant to write about my complete and utter lack of motivation to do anything at all of late. I was going to use the woeful disarray of my bedroom/domain to illustrate my point. When my room is messy (and it was), I always end up feeling like my head is messy too.

This is probably a thing I do to myself, but I’ve long felt that the disarray in my room leads to disarray in my head. I really do. I get more anxious, and more easily so as well. Irritable and cranky; and I feel like I don’t sleep quite as well, either. Not that I feel terrifically less messy when my room is clean; I mostly just feel calmer about the rest of it.

But I can’t use that example anymore, because I did a fairly thorough cleaning job last week. My room is tidy again. Or at least as tidy as it ever is. There’s still way too much crap in there, but not much is going to change that unless I suddenly have a complete personality shift and decide that a life of less is more is the one for me. But don’t count on that. So there’s piles of books in corners and in front of both my bookshelves (which are also full to groaning with more books and other crap) and piles of crates with random house wares that I’ve no current use for, and there’s rather a few pillows more than I need strewn across my bed and betwixt it and the wall; same goes for blankets.

I need to go through everything and get rid of some of it. Problem is most of what’s in the room now is stuff I already have gone through and do not wish to be rid of. The other problem is there’s much more stuff in the storage unit, but it’s out of sight and thus mostly out of mind. I really do need to go through it, however. Well, maybe in another week or two. The final problem is, ofcourse, that I like stuff, and I have a tendency to buy more stuff, whether I need it or not.

Bah. I don’t even know where I wanted to be going with this post. So I’ll just leave it at this: at least my room is clean.

 


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Happy Birth Month To ME.

02Nov09

I’ve decided to claim the entire month of November for my own this year. My birthday happens to fall just about exactly in the middle, so I’m just taking it all for me. Everything that I do this month shall be referred to in some way shape or form as “Birth Month Celebrations.”

So let it be written, so let it be done. Huzzah!

The month shall start out relatively low-key. I’m hoping to get together this Friday with my best girl Jessie to have drinkies after work. We’ll probably end up somewhere in Bel Air. Nothing major, that, but I get to spend time with my bestie, so that makes me happy. That Saturday is my next day of volunteering at the Walters, so I’ll be out and about that morning, greeting people and putting all that customer service training to the test. Also, I’ll be wearing sneakers, because my feet hurt like holy hell by the end of the day last time I was there.

I have two friends with birthdays on the 5th and 6th, so I imagine there will be shenanigans going on for one or the other; I’m not sure if it’ll be both, however. Maybe something Saturday evening, if I can finagle it!

The following Friday is, of course, my actual birthday.

I would like to take a moment here to point out that my birthday is on a Friday this year. A Friday the 13th, in case you haven’t just checked a calendar and seen that. I haven’t had my birthday on a Friday since I turned nine, and I’ve been looking forward to this for years. Because I’m like that. Happy Birthday to me. And to Sarina, who is far more eeevil than I am, but clearly just as awesome as me for having the same birthday.

Also, I would like to point out that I was actually born on a Friday the 13th. If you were looking for a reason I’m such a whack job, there it is. Hee!

I’m hoping to get a large-ish group of friends together to go out to dinner and do a bit of bar-hopping that evening. I’m thinking we’ll get sushi to eat, and then go check out some places down town. I’ve been meaning to check out Ale Mary’s for literal ages, so I think a stop there is in order. After that, who knows.

The rest of the weekend I will likely spend recovering. However, the following Wednesday, Amanda Fucking Palmer is playing in Philly, so I’m going up for that. I’ve wanted to see her live for, again, ages; so I shall be sacrificing precious sleep to see her. And Julie’s going with me!

After that, there’s Thanksgiving. JP and I have tentative plans to do… something that weekend. Not sure what yet. Whatever, it shall be an extension of my birthday!

And to close out the month, EA is playing the 930 Club in DC on the 30th. You betcher ass I’m going to see her again.

I will be spending the month of December recovering from all this awesome. Except for Friday the 5th, when Rob Zombie is playing at the 930 Club. I’m planning on that concert as well. Lots of shows coming up! w00t!

And just because I’m all about the pictures lately, here’s one of the best pictures I’ve taken in a really long time:

DSCN1885


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Friday Videos: Depeche Mode

30Oct09

Sorry for the lateness, kids. For some reason, I had a hard time thinking of something to put up today.

Here is one of the bestest songs off of Ultra, one of my favoritest albums of ever.

And possibly one of my favorite songs ever, from the same album:


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Target is evil. Kinda like me.

29Oct09

I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: Target is evil.

I’ve been working on avoiding even setting foot in that store of late, because I really need to not spend every cent I can spare on random crap from that place. But I had to go the other day, as I was in need of cat food and litter. So into Target I went, armed with knowledge of exactly what I needed and exactly how much money I had.

I spent it all. Figures.

I did pick up a few things for my mother, so I didn’t spend it all on me. So that’s good, right?

But I had to go through the whole store. I always do. I love looking at their new displays. Especially all the seasonal dishware. Why do I have this love affair with dishes? I don’t even have my own table to put them on, let alone a place to display any of it or keep any of it, or my own goddamn kitchen!

Then I had to wander into the Halloween section. As you all know, Halloween is one of my favoritest holidays. And Target generally has great décor for it. This year I’m not overly impressed, however. Which is for the best, because last year I ended up with a whole set of dishes that I’ve had to merely put into another damned box, because I have no use for them right now.

And I won’t even tell you about the towels for the bathroom I don’t have yet.

I did pick up one little thing last night, a miniature bust of an “evil” queen. She doesn’t look overly evil to me, but I thought it super cute and it was only two dollars. So I picked that up and brought it in to work. She’s sitting next to my computer, glaring at me. Actually, I think she’s glaring at my co-worker. Hee!

Then I wandered through the candy section. I saw someone mention Smarties on FB (I think it was Sarina or Goolia), and I decided I needed Smarties. Now, I’m pretty sure that no one actually *needs* a three and a half pound bag of Smarties for themselves, but damned if I didn’t buy it. That sucker better last me the whole next year, at the very least.

You see why I’m not allowed into Target? Go in for cat food, come out with that as well as Halloween candy and decorations. I’m rolling my eyes at myself right now.


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scratch that; reverse it.

28Oct09

oh, hey there guy. you’re probably here looking for something to read.

well it just so happens i’ve been doing a bit of writing the past couple of days. i’ve even been doing a bit of writing that isn’t my normal navel-gazing oh my god i’m so terrified of life why do i have to actually do stuff in order to learn things and become what i want to become i’d much rather hide under the covers and read my book with a flashlight even though it gives me a crick in my neck and woe-ish is me get me a beer, bar wench bullshit.

(no, really, i’m aware of my own thought processes–just as i’m aware that i didn’t use to be this much of a neurotic mess. thanks for pointing that out. you can be honest with me, i promise. i won’t hex you or anything.)

so here you go:

The cops found her sitting on a bench in the park, muttering to herself and looking for all the world like an earthquake victim: dirty, disheveled, wild-eyed. And crazy out of her gourd.

They tried to coax some semblance of coherence out of her, with no luck whatsoever. She wasn’t violent, as far as they could tell, and her clothes, though torn and dirty and spotted with blood were clearly well made. She wouldn’t let them get close enough to determine if the blood was hers, or if she was injured, though she didn’t seem to be. They presumed she wasn’t homeless, but they couldn’t get any explanation of her situation out of her, no matter what they said. So they gently steered her into the back of their squad car, and took her to the hospital.

The ER staff had no better luck with her than the cops had. She muttered incessantly, in no tongue anyone present recognized, and would shy away from almost any touch. Eventually, one of the nurses was able to get her to change into a hospital gown and take a sedative. They didn’t admit her—under what name?—but gave her a quiet room out of the way of most of the patients, and kept an eye on her. She curled up on the bed, muttering still and ticking unknown things off on her fingers, and eventually grew quiet and shut her eyes.

The nurse went through her clothes then, looking for some form of identification. She found nothing except a scrap of paper with a name written on it: Adam Pearson; and a phone number.

____

After this point, this turns very clearly into fanfic, and quite frankly I’m not going to let you read anymore of it. Unless you ask real pretty. SO THERE.

 


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