effing fabulous friday
This post right here? This marks the first time in literal months I’ve managed to post something five days in a row. Go me!
So I’m doing a little celebratory boogie in my chair as I type this up. *boogie woogie*
Today is one of those rare (but I think increasing in occurrence) days when I am quite content just to exist. It’s a nice feeling, let me tell you. I’ll probably be told by at least one of my co-workers at some point during the day that I’m being scary-nice. However, they’ve had to get used to my unfortunate irritability over the last several months, so this represents a welcome change.
Shit, feeling like this represents a welcome change for me, too. Yanno?
Thank you, therapy.
I had a lovely pleasant dinner with my friend Andrew Tuesday night. We went to the same place we always go to. In fact, we ate the same things we usually eat (I had the crab cake; he had the Italian sausage sandwich). He did not share his pickle with me. No, that’s not a euphemism of any sort. I really like pickles! I would totally steal it if given half a chance.
I’m going to stop talking about pickles now.
Anyway. Conversation is always good with Andrew; we geeked out for a while about books to start. I just finished one book that he recommended to me (The Lies of Locke Lamora—GO READ IT. I’ll wait. Go ahead.), and started reading a second one that I’d already picked up when he recommended I read it (The Court of the Air—possibly better than Locke? We shall see). We have very similar taste in books, it seems.
Conversation between us often turns to the future. I think it has something to do with the fact that we’re both a bit at odds right now. I feel like I’m definitely in a transition period in my own life, and I think he feels about the same way. However, he seems to have a pretty concrete plan figured out for the immediate future, and that made me a bit jealous for a minute or two last night–and after that I started worrying, as I am extremely prone to do.
And then I realized something: I have a plan as well. It’s not as concrete as his is; it’s rather more nebulous and mental rather than physical, but it’s a plan. I’m not sitting in my own misery stagnating anymore.
And man, was that a bit of a revelation for me, while I was lying in bed last night waiting for sleep to happen. It was a great revelation.
I have a plan.
Basically what it boils down to is that I’m working on me right now. I know that sounds really navel-gazey as well as pretentious as all hell. And possibly selfish. But it’s true. It’s what I need to do so I can come up with a more concrete and physical plan for… beyond the rest of this year. I can’t make the decisions I need to make, I feel, until I’ve started getting my shit together (not that anyone ever really has their shit together, but I mean to at least start on it before I start throwing other aspects of my life out of whack. Don’t worry; I’m not putting it off. I’m just making a to do list. And I’m at the top of it). I’m serious about being in this transition period; I’ve come to accept that everything feels just a bit out of whack right now. But I’m working on it. I’m working on my mental health for the most part. I know what I need to do to get, well, better. And that, really, is the point of this whole thing: I’m getting better, and it’s amazing.
Who has two thumbs and is awesome? That’s right: this girl.
Filed under: other | 5 Comments
Tags: dinner, friday, friends, therapy, thoughts
lizzie borden took her axe.... 
Lizzie, I think concentrating on yourself and getting all the “boxes in your attic squared away” is an extremely worthwhile pursuit. It’s hard to be much use to others if you aren’t getting the most out of your resources (and yours are considerable) so, full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes and every other encouraging phrase I can think of.
And you ARE awesome!
That’s how I feel about it too–what good am I going to be to anyone else if I’m not taking care of myself? So I’m going to worry about me first for a while and let everything else come from that.
Lizzie, I’m just trying to get my shit together and figure out where I fit into the world.
I’m not a jerk or a liar or a hypocrite… I’ve just never ventured this far into the world and, yeah, it’s pretty fuckin’ scary.
You? Jebus, you’ve got a gig writing about music for Pajiba and my admiration knows no bounds… so revel in it, will ya? I appreciate smart, funny, talented people but think that maybe my admiration is best appreciated from a distance. If I could bring more to the table, I would.
You? You rock.
Keep it up.
And, yeah, I misused “erstwhile” in my comment. It made me feel stupid as soon as I hit the send button.
I too am pleased you’ve decided to do this, the taking care of yourself bit. It’s amazing how much one’s outlook on the world improves when one’s outlook on one’s self improves.
I’ve found it gets a little easier as you get older, by the way. I mean, it’s never going to be 100% great all the time… there are too many “variables”, aka other people and unexpected situations, in the world. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to work with those rather than let them drag me down.
You’re a beautiful human being, Lizzie. I’m so so pleased that you’re feeling better about yourself these days, and I hope to see more of it from you.
Ew. This whole comment is sappy and gross. Please disregard. Here’s teh less gross version:
Girl, you rock! Rock on!