mazel tov


Matt: So the first miracle was for more booze?
Me: I’m glad I’m not the only one going to hell.

Me [to mom]: Look at the crucifix, Mom. Isn’t it supposed to look like Jesus could hop down off the cross and bless the whole church or something? I’m pretty sure if he did that right now, he’d break every bone in those spindly little chicken legs of his.

Matt: I’m kinda glad we got there halfway through the Mass.
Me: Me, too.

My Uncle: Did I embarrass you sufficiently? [By making me dance with his nephew on my aunt’s side.]
Me: No, it takes a helluva lot more than making me dance with a guy who dances worse than I do to embarrass me.

Me: Mom, look at S! She’s crying harder than the groom’s mother. [This was during the Groom and his Mom dance. S is my aunt’s sister.]

Me [at numerous points during the evening]: Good god that woman is insane.

Charlie: Who told that woman I was in the bathroom? She went looking for me.

Mom: Fine for chrissakes, I’ll drive. You can all drink.

Me: Shouldn’t she be medicated?
Mom: Yes, that’s the whole problem.
Me: Well, he probably should be too.
Mom: I’m pretty sure the problem is that he is medicated.
Me: *snort* Yeah, self-medicated.

It was a lovely wedding, and I’m very happy for my cousin and his new bride. But good god I think we take irreverent to a whole new level. Which is really just a nice way of saying that we’re a bunch of assholes.


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